What are the chances that:

A) You own a 1992 Nissan Pathfinder.

and

B) You are of Hispanic decent.

Answer = 100%

Answer = YES!

Why do you think its neccessary to point out the amount of calories in everything I eat? You’re more than 50 pounds overweight yet your two week “diet” allows you to comment on my Dunkin Donuts chocolate chip muffin. Keep your comments to yourself Ruben Studdard.

Stop it. Just stop. Guy who finds a song lyric from whatever you say. If you have yet to meet this jerk, let me give you an example:

me:  I’m working early in the morning tomorrow.

Shit face: ♫”Early in the morning, to find me another lover…”♫

or

me: Where is the party at tonight?

Douche: ♫”Where the party at? Girls is on the way where the Bacardi at?”♫

me: (holding gun to my mouth.)

The longer Johnny song-singer goes on, the more I contemplate suicide.

If you were wondering if its acceptable to refer to your Indian, follicly-endowed technology manager as “Teen Wolf” during video conference call, the answer is apparently no. Despite protest and side-by-side photo comparisons as my boss informs me.

The best thing for A-rod to do right now is slip some banned substances into Jeter’s Gatorade. So when DJ gets caught, all this angst on A-rod will be dead quicker than Travolta’s son. Problem solved.

Dear monkey owner. Your monkey did not beat you up because of your new hair style. Your monkey beat you up for getting him a Wii but neglecting to buy a second Wiimote with it. Nobody plays Wii tennis alone fuck face.

** Update : It has been brought to my attention that it was not the owner that was attacked, but rather the owner’s friend. So what did we learn? If your friend has a monkey that they sleep and bathe with, then you should probably make new friends… But then again, you’re probably crazy too and nobody else wants to be your friend anyway.